The Hurricane Heist, F
Rated PG-13, 103 minutes
The awful new crime film is "The Fast and the Furious" meets "Twister," except it's a hurricane. That should come as no surprise, given that it's directed and co-written by "Fast and Furious" creator Rob Cohen, who was also responsible for the Vin Diesel action flick "xXx." "The Hurricane Heist" is meant to be over-the-top fun, but it's a true disaster in every sense of the word. Where's Vin Diesel when you need him?
A team of tech hackers embark on a $600 million robbery from a coastal U.S. mint facility at the same time a disastrous Category 5 hurricane is set to strike. The remaining people left in the deserted beach town are a meteorologist (Toby Kebbell), a Treasury agent (Maggie Grace) and the meteorologist’s ex-Marine brother (Rwan Kwanten). Together they not only must survive the hurricane, but also stop the mastermind thieves from accomplishing the heist of the century.
When the hurricane gives the best performance in your film, you know it's going to be pretty bad, and Cohen's ridiculous "The Hurricane Heist" is easily the worst film of 2018 so far and a solid contender for the 2018 Razzie Awards, if it's even remembered by then. Not an ounce of it is utterly believable, and it wastes some half-decent actors with "Lost's" Grace, as well as British actor Kebbell ("Kong: Skull Island"), and Australian actor Kwantan ("True Blood"), both of whom have been clearly instructed by Cohen to do their worst, most annoying deep South accent possible.
Listen closely to the inane, laughable dialogue and you'll hear some of the most unintentionally funny moments of the year. "I'm out of bullets!" exclaims Grace's character. "How did that happen?" replies Kebbell. "I shot them all!" Well, OK! Also, never mind that no one would survive 140 miles hour winds, but Kebbell does, and he just happens to have a hurricane-sustainable vehicle in spite of the fact he's supposed to hate hurricanes.
"Hurricane Heist" utterly silly climax involving a truck chase in the hurricane, well that's just more stupid than fun. You could go just to see how bad it all is ('80's style "A-Team" music doesn't help, either), but I wouldn't want you to waste your time and money. You're better off saving your money and watching You Tube clips of newspeople trying to survive the elements on camera. It's much more entertaining and funny. And free.